"But I don't want to Hao Lian!*"
When I first learned about "building a personal brand" and "being visible online", this was the first thought that popped in my head.
*hao4 lian4 is a Teochew term used to describe a braggart, show-off, or someone who is unashamedly self-indulgent.
Growing up in an East Asian-influenced culture, Confucian ideals were infused into my behavioural expectations.
A key ideal in Confucian thought is that of humility. Clambering for attention and status are seen as dishonourable and crass behaviours. Above all, it is a cause for loss of ‘face’.
You can imagine how this would lead to me thinking that putting myself out there is no different from blowing my own trumpet, singing my own praises, proclaiming myself from the rooftops… you get the idea.
It wasn’t a desirable thing to do.
And when I examined a little more, I realised that I viewed people who were constantly clamouring for visibility in a low light.
I didn’t want to be like them.
Hence the resistance to making myself more visible online.
Now, obviously, the fact that you’re reading this suggests that something must have changed.
And something did.
I stopped all online activity for over a year.
Truth be told, I didn’t miss it.
Instead of agonising over what to post or what to show, I spent more time listening and reading.
Serendipitously, some of them discussed this topic, about being visible.
And I slowly started to see it in a different light.
What I used to think was “shameless self-promotion” and “narcissism” doesn’t need to be, as long as the intention is purposeful and useful to others.
Sure, there’ll always be people who take it wrongly, but that’s true of anything - whether expressed online or offline.
I started to see that letting others know what I know and offering information is helpful to them. It’s not about promoting myself and my views (though there is an unavoidable element of this in all public expression), it’s about sharing what I have.
Most people are clever enough to figure out the motivations behind your post, and if you share with good intentions, it’s better (and easier) to let them decide for themselves whether they want to read it.
So here we are.
It’s your decision.
Social Media is a Game Where You Meet All Sorts. Handling Them Isn't Easy.
Playing the social media game, just like any other, puts you in contact with thin-skinned people, poor winners, and sore losers.
I haven't personally interacted with a lot of these individuals, probably because I've been playing this game at a much lower level than a number of people that I know.
But I certainly see them posting on feeds that I follow.
I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemies, but the things that they say can be very amusing.
Seeing as I'm no social platform expert (not yet, anyway), I'm going to have to keep an eye out on how to handle them.
If you have a good tip for me, please let me know.
As The Year 2019 Ends, I Look Back And These Are Some Of My Thoughts
2019 isn’t quite over yet. And yet, there have been some significant differences between this year and the previous.
When this year started, I set myself a task to complete - to build new and maintain current relationships.
I started this because of a book that I read that profoundly affected my thinking.
Essentially, it reminded me that I could not live a life completely devoid of other people, at least not if I wanted to live a meaningful life.
Now, this all sounds really cliché and ‘obvious’.
I do have to give a bit of an explanation.
My tendency is to avoid human contact - mainly because I find people draining to be around. As such, I can go for tremendously long periods without interacting with another human being, even an online one - something most people find very odd.
As a result of this tendency, I have neglected a lot of relationships and avoided cultivating new ones.
It culminated in a year that felt extraordinarily low and depressing. That was 2018.
I didn’t want a repeat of that. Thus, I made a commitment to myself to do something about my relationships in 2019.
Was I fully successful? Likely not.
And yet, I know that I have put in a significant amount of effort and time into building up some of my relationships this year. And I’m glad to say that I have the improved relationships to show for it.
In terms of career / work, I’d say that this year was not great, but it was much better than last year. I’d also say that, through the building of relationships this year, I have set up a number of projects for next year. So I fully expect that 2020 will be an even better year!
I’ve been very inactive on social media this year, having gotten rather jaded with the whole content mill thing.
I have nothing against people who can consistently and comfortably put up useful and engaging content, but those who cannot need to stop trying so hard. I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve blocked or removed from social media this year because their posts were annoying / inane. Clearly, they’ve been advised by someone to do it. And, truth be told, it’s not doing them favours.
Well, at this point, these are my main thoughts about 2019. Signing off until the next post!
Tired of Posting on Social Media? Yeah, Me Too. So I Stopped.
Something about social media never quite sat well with me.
Is it the fads and the pretentious-ness?
Had a bowl of raw fish doused in soy sauce on brown rice and surrounded by ‘super-colourful’ shredded vegetables for lunch? So has its culture of origin, for a long time.
What about that dessert made with a purplish ‘berry’ that is touted to be one of the greatest ‘superfoods’ around? Just to let you in on a little fact - the fruit of the Açaí palm is a drupe, not a berry. You’ll also get similar nutrients if you regularly consume colourful fruit and vegetables. And the reason you’re paying so much for it is due to marketing hype.
And please don’t get me started on the drink that costs as much as a meal, made with milk (which you can easily get from any supermarket) and black sugar (easy to get on a nearby island off the most populous country in the world).
Maybe it’s the narcissism.
Five selfies of yourself at different angles in the same spot, accompanied by a post like ‘Shrimp cocktails are my favourite appetiser.’ that has nothing to do with the picture? About as much sense as using chopsticks for picking up water.
Or perhaps it’s just the sheer volume of it all.
Over and over, the same types of mundane, senseless, boring posts surface and flood our devices. I found that I read about 10% of the ‘posts’ that come up on my Facebook timeline, maybe 15% of my Instagram feed. If even that. I’ve never seen the point of Twitter.
And yet, I keep hearing people tell me how important it is to post regularly on social media, how it has brought them leads and clients, how it is essential to maintaining an engaged audience.
And they’re not wrong. It’s true. These aren’t opinions. They do work. In some cases, very well indeed.
And yet, I couldn’t escape from this growing thought that I had - social media, at least the version of it that I saw, held vastly different values from me.
I’m not interested in putting my life on display, much less hope that others will find it even vaguely interesting. I’m quite satisfied just knowing that I’m interested in what I’m interested in.
I don’t see the need to tell everyone what I’m thinking all the time.
Validation? No, I hardly care whether others like what I say. More often than not, they don’t, because I like to look at an issue from multiple points of view while a large number of people just want to keep the narrative they have in their heads.
So I did what I thought was most logical. I stopped posting for the sake of posting.
And now, I feel free. I no longer have the nagging thought of ‘It’s been 3 days since I last posted something! Get something on the web before you are forgotten!’
I did post a couple of pictures on Instagram a few days ago (or has it been a week?) only because I felt like it. And I noticed that the engagement level of each post wasn’t very different from when I posted (more) regularly.
Which means to say that nobody particularly cares whether you’re posting or not. I’d say that’s because there are lots of posts anyway. Yours, unless you are some sort of celebrity or public figure, hardly makes a blip on others’ radar.
One thing heartened me, though.
A very few people noticed. And they, in a concerned tone, asked me about my absence. I didn’t tell them all the underlying thoughts I mentioned here, but I am grateful that they cared enough to ask.
It gave me a slightly different perspective on this whole social media thing.
My posts don’t matter to the vast majority of people. But they have managed to capture the notice of a very few.
And because I recently had an epiphany, which I’ll talk about in my next post, I’m not about to quit social media. I will, however, be posting only with a purpose, not just to satisfy the ever-hungry content machine.
