2019 isn’t quite over yet. And yet, there have been some significant differences between this year and the previous.

When this year started, I set myself a task to complete - to build new and maintain current relationships.

I started this because of a book that I read that profoundly affected my thinking.

Essentially, it reminded me that I could not live a life completely devoid of other people, at least not if I wanted to live a meaningful life.

Now, this all sounds really cliché and ‘obvious’.

I do have to give a bit of an explanation.

My tendency is to avoid human contact - mainly because I find people draining to be around. As such, I can go for tremendously long periods without interacting with another human being, even an online one - something most people find very odd.

As a result of this tendency, I have neglected a lot of relationships and avoided cultivating new ones.

It culminated in a year that felt extraordinarily low and depressing. That was 2018.

I didn’t want a repeat of that. Thus, I made a commitment to myself to do something about my relationships in 2019.

Was I fully successful? Likely not.

And yet, I know that I have put in a significant amount of effort and time into building up some of my relationships this year. And I’m glad to say that I have the improved relationships to show for it.

In terms of career / work, I’d say that this year was not great, but it was much better than last year. I’d also say that, through the building of relationships this year, I have set up a number of projects for next year. So I fully expect that 2020 will be an even better year!

I’ve been very inactive on social media this year, having gotten rather jaded with the whole content mill thing.

I have nothing against people who can consistently and comfortably put up useful and engaging content, but those who cannot need to stop trying so hard. I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve blocked or removed from social media this year because their posts were annoying / inane. Clearly, they’ve been advised by someone to do it. And, truth be told, it’s not doing them favours.

Well, at this point, these are my main thoughts about 2019. Signing off until the next post!

1) Introverts enjoy socialising – just with fewer people and for shorter durations.

Introverts aren’t shy and they don’t dislike people. They simply generate energy by being on their own, the complete opposite of extroverts, who become energised when they are around other people.

Because introverts get drained when socialising, they slowly lose the ability to filter out excess external stimuli and, consequently, become less and less engaged as they tire out. This has the effect of making them seem quieter and quieter as the date goes on.

To counteract this, bring your date away from the bustling crowds and let them recharge somewhere quiet and relaxing. Give them some space and time to be quiet and they’ll be better soon, with the added bonus of them being grateful for your understanding..

2) Introverts do better in quieter, less crowded environments.

Introverts are more sensitive to environmental stimuli. As such, they can get overwhelmed when subject to noise, bright lights and too many people.

Plan dates with introverts in less crowded venues, where they won’t have to jostle with others or listen to loud chatter.

If you are planning to bring them somewhere stimulating, like a carnival, large festival or party, let them decide when it’s time to leave. When they do exercise the option, leave with them promptly.

3) Introverts prefer deep discussions to casual talk

One of the pet peeves of introverts everywhere is small talk. They find it tedious, boring and useless for the purposes of getting to know someone better. At best, they put up with it but few, if any, enjoy it.

Once you’ve gotten past the opening questions, ask your introvert date about their thoughts on issues that they hold close to their hearts. Tell them about your experiences and what you learned as a result.

These topics of conversation may feel ‘too heavy’ to you but they are more than welcome to your introvert date.

4) Introverts need time to think before they speak

Introverts spend a good deal of their time thinking and tend to be careful with what they say in order not to cause offense or confusion.

Encourage them to share their thoughts with you by asking open-ended questions like, “What do you think about [topic]?” or “Why do you think [incident] resulted in this?” Then, give them some time to formulate an answer.

Most introverts appreciate the question, “Do you need some time to think about it?” in the midst of a fast-paced conversation. It shows that you value their input and that you care about what they have to say.

5) Introverts aren’t shy. They just take longer to warm up to new environments or with new people.

Introverts tend to be more affected by external stimuli because they are more sensitive to the chemicals that the body produces when stressed or excited. As a result, they tend to be more cautious when it comes to novel experiences and/or strangers.

Reassure your introvert date as you ease them into a new situation or when they are meeting you for the first time.

Let them observe and explore at their own pace and they will eventually feel more comfortable and open up to you.

They will also be grateful to you for your consideration and patience.