"But I don't want to Hao Lian!*"

When I first learned about "building a personal brand" and "being visible online", this was the first thought that popped in my head.

*hao4 lian4 is a Teochew term used to describe a braggart, show-off, or someone who is unashamedly self-indulgent.

Growing up in an East Asian-influenced culture, Confucian ideals were infused into my behavioural expectations.

A key ideal in Confucian thought is that of humility. Clambering for attention and status are seen as dishonourable and crass behaviours. Above all, it is a cause for loss of ‘face’.

You can imagine how this would lead to me thinking that putting myself out there is no different from blowing my own trumpet, singing my own praises, proclaiming myself from the rooftops… you get the idea.

It wasn’t a desirable thing to do.

And when I examined a little more, I realised that I viewed people who were constantly clamouring for visibility in a low light.

I didn’t want to be like them.

Hence the resistance to making myself more visible online.

Now, obviously, the fact that you’re reading this suggests that something must have changed.

And something did.

I stopped all online activity for over a year.

Truth be told, I didn’t miss it.

Instead of agonising over what to post or what to show, I spent more time listening and reading.

Serendipitously, some of them discussed this topic, about being visible.

And I slowly started to see it in a different light.

What I used to think was “shameless self-promotion” and “narcissism” doesn’t need to be, as long as the intention is purposeful and useful to others.

Sure, there’ll always be people who take it wrongly, but that’s true of anything - whether expressed online or offline.

I started to see that letting others know what I know and offering information is helpful to them. It’s not about promoting myself and my views (though there is an unavoidable element of this in all public expression), it’s about sharing what I have.

Most people are clever enough to figure out the motivations behind your post, and if you share with good intentions, it’s better (and easier) to let them decide for themselves whether they want to read it.

So here we are.

It’s your decision.

For the past week or so, I've been on a number of merchant sites, communicating with different dealers from around the world.

Truly, there are many kinds - there are some who are friendly and chatty and others who are purely business-like with no room for small talk; some who are quick to reply and others who take a long time; some who are accommodating to requests and others who refuse to make any changes.

It's quite an experience to talk to them and I learned that, above all else, clarity in communication is very important, since many of them do not speak English as a first language though they do try hard.

The other thing I learned is that timing is crucial. Sometimes, the timing needs to be gotten just right in order to strike a good deal for both parties. For example, I managed to get a delivery of some gems that I bought through the overseas dealer's Singaporean friend who happened to be coming back to Singapore the next day. I didn't have to pay shipping or fund transfer fees! It's hard to predict such things, but when they do happen, everybody is happy.

Clarity and timing. My two takeaways from this week.