"But I don't want to Hao Lian!*"

When I first learned about "building a personal brand" and "being visible online", this was the first thought that popped in my head.

*hao4 lian4 is a Teochew term used to describe a braggart, show-off, or someone who is unashamedly self-indulgent.

Growing up in an East Asian-influenced culture, Confucian ideals were infused into my behavioural expectations.

A key ideal in Confucian thought is that of humility. Clambering for attention and status are seen as dishonourable and crass behaviours. Above all, it is a cause for loss of ‘face’.

You can imagine how this would lead to me thinking that putting myself out there is no different from blowing my own trumpet, singing my own praises, proclaiming myself from the rooftops… you get the idea.

It wasn’t a desirable thing to do.

And when I examined a little more, I realised that I viewed people who were constantly clamouring for visibility in a low light.

I didn’t want to be like them.

Hence the resistance to making myself more visible online.

Now, obviously, the fact that you’re reading this suggests that something must have changed.

And something did.

I stopped all online activity for over a year.

Truth be told, I didn’t miss it.

Instead of agonising over what to post or what to show, I spent more time listening and reading.

Serendipitously, some of them discussed this topic, about being visible.

And I slowly started to see it in a different light.

What I used to think was “shameless self-promotion” and “narcissism” doesn’t need to be, as long as the intention is purposeful and useful to others.

Sure, there’ll always be people who take it wrongly, but that’s true of anything - whether expressed online or offline.

I started to see that letting others know what I know and offering information is helpful to them. It’s not about promoting myself and my views (though there is an unavoidable element of this in all public expression), it’s about sharing what I have.

Most people are clever enough to figure out the motivations behind your post, and if you share with good intentions, it’s better (and easier) to let them decide for themselves whether they want to read it.

So here we are.

It’s your decision.

[To my fellow introverts:]

Like you, I struggle with the dilemma of deciding between being known and having a quiet, private life.

Note the present tense. I still do.

What I learned is this:
In order to have the quiet, private life that I want, I must first be able to provide for it.

Yes, I’m talking about the 3rd most taboo subject: Money.

Let’s get real.

You need a fair bit of change to live in the most expensive city in the world (according to The Economist Intelligence Unit - EIU). As do I.

Prime opportunities go to those who are at the top of their field. If you’re not up there with them, you’re getting second-rate projects that they rejected or were never going to enter their field of vision anyway.

What that means for you is that you are fighting with a lot of people for very little gain.

Is that really how you want to live out the rest of your life?

This is my perspective.

I’m done being passed over for meaningful projects that I know I’ll be great at, which instead got handed to the loudest person in the room.

I’m tired of being treated as if I’m slow or invisible during unnecessarily raucous meetings and ‘brainstorming’ sessions.

I have had it with people wondering whether I’m good at what I do just because I take time to think rather than talk constantly and offer information they may or may not want.

This is why I built my personal brand around who I am and what I wish to achieve.

It required a lot of thought and a lot of work, but I am on my way to leading the life I want to lead. It’s going to be a journey, and I’m glad that I have friends along for the ride. (You guys know who you are!)

If this is a journey you have heard of but haven’t embarked upon, I encourage you to take the first step and start building your personal brand.

If you’re concerned that you don’t know what to do or which direction to head, it’s alright. You don’t have to go it alone. We can be your guides and show you the way.

Join me and my friend Eugene Seah on the 10th of July (it’s a Tuesday) from 7 pm to 10 pm at Synergy Hub @ 45 Middle Road #06-00, a mere 5 minute walk from Bugis MRT station.

I will be showing you how you, too, can quietly leave your mark on the world and those around you.